TNA Impact TV report

Thursday, 30 April 2009 15:12

4.30 TNA Impact
By Jeff Hamlin ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it )

The Big News: Samoa Joe and A.J. Styles teased a new program in the latest installment of tag partners who don’t get along. Kurt Angle started a showlong storyline about barging into Mick Foley’s office, which led to an interesting final segment and the return of Sting.

Jeff Jarrett emerged from a meeting with TNA Board of Directors meeting where he supposedly tried to get Mick Foley fired. Jeremy Borash stopped him to ask what happened, but Jarrett blew him off looking none too happy. Mick Foley emerged moments later and appeared upbeat and kissing up to Dixie Carter. Borash asked Foley about possibly being fired, and Foley said he couldn’t be fired because he was TNA champion. Shouldn’t his status as executive shareholder carry more weight than being champion. Foley tried to look past hitting Jarrett with the chair last week, though Borash thought he was crazy for doing it.

The Main Event Mafia sans Sting came out. Jenna Morasca was out with Kevin Nash and of course Sharmell was with Booker T. Kurt Angle said others referred to him as the Godfather of the Main Event Mafia. I thought that meant he was going to come out in a lame shootfighting gimmick next week before transforming into a pimp. But Angle meant more along the Marlon Brando lines. Angle offered to be in the Sacrifice four-way main event, and in exchange he put up his leadership role in the Main Event Mafia. I can’t imagine anyone who would become the new leader of the mafia would co-exist with Angle long. It’s like becoming the head of creative in WWE while Stephanie McMahon is still employed. Angle then warned he would take over Foley’s office and run the show tonight. Didn’t they learn their lesson from three months ago when the mafia took over the show during the worst week of televised wrestling in history?

Foley acted out of it watching from his office. Jarrett walked in and said he should beat Foley up tonight, but would do it on his own terms. Foley wanted to know if Jarrett had his back tonight, but Jarrett said the only back Foley could have is the one Jarrett was turning on him. That was the last of Jarrett on this show.

Lauren interviewed Angle in the locker room about putting his leadership role in the mafia on the line simply to get in the Sacrifice main event, but Angle didn’t look concerned. Steiner was still mad at Jarrett about ending their “20 year friendship” at Lockdown. I’ll bet Steiner would have found better ways to take out his anger last week on Jarrett than jumping up and down on a pogo stick. Angle told him they need to keep Jarrett as an ally for now because Angle wants to get in the Sacrifice main event. Hasn’t Jarrett been feuding with the mafia for six months now? Steiner agreed.

1.    Amazing Red and Suicide defeated the Motor City Machine Guns in 6:30 in a Team 3-D tag team invitational tournament first round match. Crowd wasn’t as familiar with Red as past TNA stars because most of his wrestling came during the Nashville days before his knee injuries. So he made up for lost time here by looking spectacular. Really, Red looks like an unmasked Rey Mysterio’s younger brother with slightly less charisma. But he instantly won over the crowd. In fact, he was so great getting the heat and making comebacks, the crowd was cold for Suicide’s hot tag. Red popped the house big when he reversed Chris Sabin’s spinning slam into a reverse DDT. That led to Suicide getting the hot tag, and he might as well have been The Monkeys after Jimi Hendrix performed the opening act. Suicide did a rolling cannonball on Alex Shelley onto Sabin. Shelley came back with a sliced bread #2 on Suicide for a two count. Red came back with a huracanrana on Sabin, who was on his knees on landed right on his head. Red followed did a spinning tope onto Sabin. Suicide pinned Shelley with the suicide solution. Red and Suicide briefly celebrated before the lights went out and Suicide disappeared again. ***

The Beautiful People did an interview with Lauren. It was announced Madison Rayne would face Awesome Kong in a stretcher match tonight. When Lauren said on paper Rayne had no chance, Angelina Love said on paper, the New York Mets should have won the NBA championship last week and General Lee should have stormed the beaches of Normandy. That’s what concussion do to you. Love and Velvet Sky didn’t look concerned about Kong, which is more that could be said for Rayne. Sky said they would be attending a funeral tonight, and Rayne quipped she hoped it wasn’t hers.

Lauren talked with Abyss backstage. Apparently Dr. Stevie prescribed a match tonight for Abyss where his opponents can have weapons but Abyss can’t. Dr. Stevie must have one hell of a medical degree. It not only allows him to be a doctor, but he can book matches too. The logic is if Abyss keeps getting over the head with weapons repeatedly, maybe then he’ll start to fear them. I know, there is no logic in that. Cody Deaner walked in with ODB and got in Abyss’ face. He said he would face Abyss tonight and compared it to Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Hermie Sadler. Quite the comparison. Serious Earnhardt has to go down with Kimbo Slice as the most overrated sports figures ever. I think his book will be entitled “Hold Your Head Up, I Almost Won.” ODB told Deaner that just because he hangs out with her doesn’t make him a wrestler. After watching ODB’s matches with Rhaka Kahn earlier this year, she’s the last person who needs to be talking about someone else’s workrate. Deaner tagged Lauren on the ass, then Abyss got pissed and lifted him up in the air to accept the challenge. Deaner was pretty funny acting like he wasn’t phased.

Mick Foley went backstage looking for help in case Angle tried to invade his office. He walked up to the Motor City Machine Guns. Shelley agreed on the condition that Foley could reveal the identity of Suicide. Foley whispered in their ear it was Al Snow, since he popped up on one show in January and never returned. Even the Guns weren’t buying that one and politely declined.

2. The British Invasion defeated LAX in 4:14 in a Team 3-D Invitational Tag Team Match. It was the final quarterfinal match. The Invasion are a group comprised of Brutus Magnus, Doug Williams and Rob Terry (who was at ringside and interfered). Before the match, they shot an angle where the invasion jumped Hernandez backstage and took his X Division Heavyweight title briefcase. Since Steiner did the same thing to Petey Williams last year, I guess that means one member of the invasion now gets the title shot. Hernandez couldn’t go, so Homicide worked alone. Terry Taylor made a cameo during this exchange. He did a tope con hilo on Williams and Magnus. The difference between Williams and Magnus as workers is every bit as big as Harlem Heat when Booker T had to carry the matches when Stevie Ray was off his game, which was most of the time. Williams looked as good as his ROH days, and appears to have dropped weight. Magnus was, well, Magnus. Terry interfered when Homicide went for a huracanrana off the top on Williams. Finish was Magnus holding Homicide while Williams delivered a forearm off the top rope. In a tournament meant to get over tag teams, three of the four best groups in the company jobbed in the first round. *1/4

Awesome Kong defeated Madison Rayne in a stretcher match in 3:12. Referee Rudy Charles ordered Raisha Saaed away from ringside, then ejected Love and Sky, which pretty much ensured Rayne’s demise. Rules were you had to roll your opponent onto a stretcher, and you had to get up by a ten count. Simple squash where Kong delivered an implant buster and two Awesome bombs for the ten count. Kong carried around a trading card photo of Love, teasing a rematch for the Knockouts title. DUD

Sky and Love freaked out backstage when Rayne was still unconscious.

The Motor City Machine Guns came out again thinking they knew the identity of Suicide. They’re know full-fledged heels instead of just being whatever management wanted them to be from week to week. They called out Daniels, who Shelley called Christopher Daniels. They laid out their case that he was Suicide by saying their bodies looked the same, their wrestling style was the same. Maybe Daniels also showed up to the Ultimate Fighter tryout in Seattle. Sabin brought up how the fans chant his name whenever Suicide wrestles. That would seem to be a dead giveaway. Sabin called him a fraud. In fact, Daniels didn’t even deny it, just saying he didn’t owe the guns any explanation. Shelley goaded him, and it ended up with Daniels cleaning house on both guns. He teased the best moonsault ever, but the guns escaped. Seems to be leading where Kaz will show up as Suicide while Daniels stands beside him.

Foley walked up to Samoa Joe asking for help against Angle tonight. Foley brought up how he always put over Joe during his independent days as the next superstar. I was waiting for Joe to ask “Where were you when they made me job to Tomko?” Since then, Joe has never been the same. Instead, Joe just walked off without saying a word.

Abyss defeated Cody Deaner in a Deaner can use weapons but Abyss can’t match in 4:55. Mostly comedy. Deaner’s catchphrase is “Give ‘er,” which is TNA’s version of “Git R Done.” I hope Deaner’s shelf life is longer than Larry the Cable Guy. Deaner hit Abyss with a garbage can lid several times early, but he didn’t sell it. Then Deaner hit him with a kendo stick, a garbage can and a sick chair shot over the head. Why Abyss feels compelled to take a stiff chair shot in a comedy match is a question I’ll leave to you. But it makes absolutely no sense and only makes ensuing chair shots look trivial. Deaner teased his finisher, but Abyss recovered for the black hole slam for the pin. ¾*

They must have left the tapings short this week because they aired repeated packages of Angle and the Mafia.

Daffney did an interview talking about her therapy sessions with Dr. Stevie. She’s teasing Abyss has interest in her, and just laughed at Lauren when she said Abyss isn’t interested in her.

Booker, Sharmell, Kevin Nash and Jenna Morasca were in the mafia locker room. Sharmell and Morasca started arguing again before Angle broke it up. Kind of funny watching Sharmell act Morasca right off the screen comparing the pay difference between the two.

Matt Morgan came out and basically offered his services to the Main Event Mafia. He said the offer was only available for a limited time. When did he ever main event?

A.J. Styles cut a promo backstage saying he needs the Samoan Submission Machine to show up tonight as his partner, not the Nation of Violence. I’ll say. The Samoan Submission Machine was over.

Kevin Nash and Booker T defeated A.J. Styles and Samoa Joe in 5:49. Joe didn’t show up at the start of the match. My guess was he was hanging out with Michael Bisping. So Styles hang to start the match working 2-on-1 again. We just saw that last hour. Styles did the springboard flying forearm on Nash. Nash’s selling is just the pits nowadays. He can’t move at all. Then Bobby Lashley was shown walking to the arena. Styles wiped out both Nash and Booker with a pescado. Then Joe walked in. Styles was furious at him showing up late. It was never explained where he was. While they argued, Nash jumped Joe. Booker was pounding away on Styles before Joe ran in for a comeback on both heels. Joe was laying in the forearms to Nash on the floor while Jenna distracted Earl Hebner. Sharmell gave the Legends title to Booker, who hit Styles for it for the pin. Styles got in Joe’s face afterwards upset about him being late. Not much to the match. *

Backstage, Foley was shown talking to someone, presumably Lashley, about protecting him from Angle. Though he never said his name, and the man he was talking to appeared off camera, Foley said the man had beaten the best of the best and headlined Wrestlemania. Now he was looking for more competition, and Foley promised him a good deal if he waited in the closet and jumped Angle when he rushed into Foley’s office. If taking over Foley’s office is such a big deal, wouldn’t it have made more sense for Angle to do it at the start of the show instead of the final segment?

The final segment saw Angle bust into Foley’s office and grab him. Foley tried to give the codeword for Lashley to come out of his closet, but he never showed up. Angle pushed Foley out of his seat and threatened him. Foley asked him why Angle was so mad, and Angle responded that Foley hit him with a chair two weeks ago. Foley offered to let Angle hit him in the back with a chair right there on the spot, and in exchange Foley would put him in the Sacrifice main event. Foley got up, then offered Angle a chance to hit him with Jarrett’s guitar. Angle agreed, but only if he could hit him in the head. But then Foley relented saying that Jarrett was fond of that guitar, but he could have a chair given to Angle within 30 seconds. Foley pulled out his cell phone and called someone to get a chair from upstairs, but then blindsided Angle with the phone to knock him out. Foley then went to his cabinet, where he had his sock stashed away as a golf club cover. He gave Angle the mandible claw. Then the lights in the office went out, and the sound of a chair could be heard smashing against someone’s body. The lights came on, and a masked man was holding a chair. The masked man unveiled himself as Sting.

SUMMARY: Definitely not the most intriguing segment of Foley’s career. A good segment, but hardly anything memorable. The show was average. I think the purpose of TNA is being forgotten with so many young babyfaces being booked to founder from week to week. That’s why it comes off as a glorified nostalgia promotion whenever they stray away from Florida.